Emo-Esther
As was predicted - shitty week!
"plain shitty-shitty-shitty!"
Other than results, other than crying - borrowing a nice shoulder.. and not silently (and I couldn't borrow any.. so yes I am still standing strong on my own.. hopefully), other than heaps of homeworks.. not achieving anything great.. (and since when do I actually achieved something great?) - nothing seems to be going right. Nada.
Well, tell me exactly what went right? okay other than getting such a wonderful parking space today! *whee* and IKEA was fun! (you guys know I lurvee IKEA!) and well, prayer meeting tonight was one of the best I've been to!
I actually see myself as a jovial/happy/hyper person. Or am I not a jovial person? haha! anyways yeaps I see myself as that. And somehow, I portrayed that kinda personality or rather character towards my college mates. I fret and complain alot, but when it comes to showing real my real emotions; when it comes to crying out loud or rather feeling helpless and depressed or maybe sometimes hurt, I try to hide it. And I think I'm doing a great job. It's not that I purposely want to hide or anything like that, but it's just me. I can't express it out. I simply can't. And I don't want people to see the sad side of me. It's like when someone says something really hurtful, I'll just smile or laugh it off.. or rather just turn away. My mom always says that I keep things to myself. And it's true - I really do. But i can't help it. I can't. Maybe it's the bring up. Or probably because I am the oldest and I have no one to turn to - so most of the time, I'd just keep stuff to myself. And burry them deep deep down, and try not to bring it to the surface again.
I feel secure when everything's deep down inside. When I don't show it. Don't know why. It's just me. (my really really close friends would actually notice this!.. or they have not?)
What about crying? and crying aloud? Everytime I want to cry, I'd tell myself not to cry because it's not worth it. And because crying is silly. And I try to be strong, and not let that feeling of wanting to cry take over. Mom always go, 'no point crying.' that kinda thing. I used to cry out, just when I wanted to. But now, I hide them. I've come to realize now, the soft side of me, is fading away. And somehow, I want it to come back. I wanna cry whenever I wanna cry. I just feel that I'd feel much much more better after crying. Sadly I couldn't. Just can't. It's like something's hardened inside me.. and I felt really frustrated. Really really really frustrated with this whole emotional thing. I have NEVER encounter such problem in my life. I, myself find it weird.
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cry
have you ever feel like crying but you can't cry?
I had that feeling the past few days. But right now, I want to cry... ! and no! I can't cry here! NOT in college. NO WAY! I told myself, 2 years back. No more crying over small things. No more crying over spilled milk. But sometimes you can't help it. It's some way to show how you really feel.. It's not that I'm crying over regrets and all... I don't know how to say it... I don't know whether you get what I am trying to convey here!
And right now, I really feel like crying.
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stupid things!
Ah.. finally tomorrow's Friday -- yays! :) for weekends, but frowns for heavy load of homework and decision makings! *SIGH*
OoHh.. I've been a walking zombie for the past few days - due to the lack of sleep. :( literature homework takes up alot of your sleeping time. hahaha. fine it's my time management.. probly it is lah!! and now, we're digging into Medieval English!! yes, trust me if you're gonna read it, it'll put you to sleep in 5 minutes flat! And I have to do my homework on it. So you can figure out lah how I rush for my homework, and what will I do during homework time.
will blog more about the week when I'm free-er! :p soon soon! :)
Just some silly pictures I took when I was reading A Knight's Tale by Chaucer.
Begins reading Chaucer....
*tum-tee-tums* she turns bored, and took out the camara...
Esther happily camwhoring during homework time! :)
Enough of camwhoring, and back to work!
damn I hate Chaucer!
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must spend!
Jo's recent post on retail therapy has put me into a shoppy-mood. No actually I'm still in my shoppy mood. Reason: I just came back from 1U and I didn't manage to get anything except for a jean skirt from my uncle's shop, and I am so not satisfied. SO I'm gonna make another trip to pyramid sometime soon to satisfy my shoppy mood. nyahaha! There goes my dad's wallet!
Anyways, my sleeping hours are still pretty much jumbled up. I was doing my literature homework - Present Chaucer's A knight's tale in picture form. *sei loh* trust me it's not easy to find pictures. It took me hours to look up for pictures, and I'm still NOT satisfied with the pictures, so yeap, I am back in square one, not accomplishing anything. *sigh*
And the worst has yet to come. O_O okays, this is not my nightmare yet. Waking up early (early meaning 7 o' clock in the morning! when all of you are still in LALA LAND!) to become a freaking c-kei (driver). Yeap, today was membership drive and my sister had to go early and my parents went out to market, so I had to fetch my sister to school early because she was helping out. gagh! nevermind. at 8am, she smsed me telling me that she needs to use to toilet! WTF! I called her back screaming on the phone asking her to use to school's toilet but she didn't want to. SO poor Esther had to go back there to fetch her home to use the toilet. gagh! I was scolding her all the way home, because I was late for my breakfast with Jo, Manda, Mel and Zhuo Yan, and I was hungry and grouchy because I had 4 hours of sleep. After using the toilet, I sent her back to school and I was behind a Orangie-Red- (2 models older than the latest)-5 series-BMW, nevermind. The monyet was driving at freaking 40km/hr. gagh! dahlah I'm so super pist with my sister and I'm soo super hungry and that fella had to drive so slow! stupid-stupid-stupid!! yeah after that I had breakie with them and then went for membership drive. :)
Went home and then my family and I went to 1U to get our Chinese New Year shopping done. Unfortunately, whenever we see something nice which we want to buy - it'd be either too small, or too big. gagh! so I only end up buying an Abercrombie jean skirt from my uncle's shop. Sometimes, I'm so glad that my uncle owns F.O.S. :) but I am still not satisfied.
Am still in need for:-
- a nice top (2, 3 also can)
- a nice fitting shirt (more clothes wouldn't kill)
- a nice casual wear shoe
- a nice kitten heels (is that what you call that?)
- a nice strappy heels
I so need shoes! sigh! the only thing that makes me look forward to is paying a visit to Pyramid to get shoes. Other than that, I am so not looking forward to this week, why? because results would be out on Monday. *sigh* and another shitty week to come.
oh btw, take a look at my sister's (*aherm* and my) new gadget! :)
just got it after we came back from 1U. dropped my my aunt's house to collect it.
Cousin had the exact same one too! hehehe.. and we had a very funny conversation.
me: did your chinese new year shopping already ah?
couz: hehe! practically yeah..
me: oh-my-goodness! so FAST?
couz: haha! (asks his brother to open his closet for me to see) you see what I mean?
his closet was filled with clothes.. seriously packed with clothes. can see some falling off already.
me: hahahaha.. I know what you mean. we can both shake hands already.
couz: hahahaha.. yeah! my mom complains that I have too many clothes.
me: Oh-my-gawd! mine too!
auntie: see lar! buy what chinese new year clothes. Got so many clothes still wanna buy clothes.
mom: yeah lar. she also the same wut! the clothes all falling off...
both of us: aiyah, you can't help it. ;) sometimes it's not like we spend so much money on them, we just happened to get them free! *winks*
and what's more my uncle's in the clothes industry! *grin* that's why I'm so glad that my uncle owns F.O.S.
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Jakuns' dayout!
Just freaking noticed that my eye bags are so obvious.. haiyOo! and it's only the second week of college! how AM I gonna survive through another friggin' 5 months? -- God help Esther's poor soul. *groan*
and so.. I've a wonderful weekend didn't I? Jo's birthday party was a blast! She was soo happy that night, she wanted to drive over to my place at 4a.m. in the morning! O_O yeaps! she was THAT happy - we were glad that everything turned out fine. :) the pieces we wanted to surprise Jo with.. everything was great! For the last week, I was so tempted to blog what I've been doing after classes, everyday rushing back to either Sush's house or my house to practice! Trust me it was tiring. But we didn't complain! Neither did we thought of cancelling the whole thing. :p Usually we would be complaining, complaining and complaining, and then after that we'd go, "aiyah! cancel larh!!" -- BUT we outgrown that!
Everyday Soosh and I would take turns to go to each other house right after class to practice.. At first we wanted to play "The prayer" by Josh Groban. But then it was too hard, and I couldn't reach some of the notes cos' I have small hands! :( yeah. So we tried something easier like, Greensleeves and The Romeo & Juliet theme. :p
And then on Tuesday while we were practicing - we figured out there was something missing in Canon. So we decided to add in another instrument - the guitar! muahaha, that's how Kwo Kuang came into the picture! :)
Sunday was shitty! my law lecturer called my dad cos' I missed class and skipped her test.
Note that she called my dad only. She didn't called the others! - after that you could figure what happened to me lah!
I promised Li Ming to go down to Ikea to get the frames for the Interact Club project, but I couldn't go down on the first week of college because I had to practice for Jo's thing. So we cancelled plans till Monday. -- desperate already! Cannot cancel already.. Li Ming has been bugging me everyday!
So on Monday, we decided to go down to Ikea to go get the frames. To make Jo's New year's resolution successful (the one about driving on highways - she finds it very bangga-fying, don't ask me why!) I asked her to fetch me there! :) erk, actually it wasn't only me alone, it was Su-Hsien, Eunice, Jolene and I. We made our way down the LDP without much trouble, well except for screaming at some stupid drivers! :p other than that we reached there in one piece. I suggested to Jo to park at "The Curve"- it's the new shopping complex at Damansara Perdana, and I dare say, it'd be the next 1U. Man that place rawks! okie, the reason why we parked at The Curve because they had free parking there. *grin* yes, we're stingy! how did I know about free parking there? hehe! thanks to my dear Amanda Chua! so after that we walked from the Curve to Ikano. Somehow, there's this connecting bridge from the Curve to Ikano. We were super tempted to treat ourselves the New Zealand ice-cream there which was highly recommended by Chien, but we did not: because we were broke! *groan* after that we found Ikea *yippie* and while walking down the slope from Ikano to Ikea, I told Eunice that I could smell Ikea from Ikano; you know that smell you get to smell when you're in Ikea? I love that smell. oh did I mentioned that I LOVE IKEA? yup yup! I really love Ikea!! Well at first, Sush and Jo paid a visit to the Ikea washroom before exploring the whole Ikea. After the washroom visit, Jo came out telling us that, while she was pee-ing some lady accidently open her door. and she kinda gave out a squeek!! teeheehees! basically it wasn't the lady's fault because Jo did not lock her door properly! hahahahaha! somethings never change! :p
After that we went round exploring the whole Ikea. And yes, you can then figure out how crazy I went. I was like.. "oh-my-gawd!!!! Eunice we so must decorate our apartment nicely when we get to Aus!!! and then we so so so must put this-this-and-this!!!" and Sush was laughing at me cos' she knows that I love furniture shopping! Just anything to do with designing and furniture shopping!! -- call me and I'll be there! hehehe! yeap. HEY! I wasn't the only one okay!! Sush, Jo and Eunice was so fascinated by the stuff there tooo!! :) After that we had our tea there - the Ikea hotdog and ice-cream! ooohh!! the ice cream there rawks! seriously. it's like SO BIG and it's RM1. SO worth it! -- okie okie I shall stop promoting Ikea! heee!
after that we decided to head home due to the stupid jam... hehehe Eunice and I haf a great time sitting behind listening to Sush scolding Jo for changing TOO lanes slowly, screaming at her when she missed the turning to the NKVE and also making so much noise about keeping at the right lane at the tol. LOL. then Jo mumbled, "Esther next time you sit in front lar!!" hehehe! oh well overall it was a great outing despite the bloody jam into Subang!
oh oh! results are coming out tomorrow. d-i-e. -- oki. I'm NOT sure!! so don't bug me about it!
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